The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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