I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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