and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
