I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
