Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize