I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
