At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
