You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I understand Curling. That high.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
