I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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