Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
