you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
