i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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