she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
