I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
