if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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