i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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