I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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