He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
