I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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