whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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