I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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