Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
