You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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