i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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