Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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