your parents love me but you hate me
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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