Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
