I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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