arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
