What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
