I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
