The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
