I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
