grandma shit on top of the toilet
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she peed on how many people?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
