i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
