I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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