So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Are these your boobs on my camera?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize