At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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