So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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