A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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