The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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