how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
