Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
