4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
