my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
