Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
