I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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