My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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