I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
