I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
