doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
