i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
