hotel room ftw
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
