I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
