My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Are we still banned from the library?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
