i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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