can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
