White coat. Heels.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
