Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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