all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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