This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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