a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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