We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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