We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
