A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
