I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
