The maid of honor just puked.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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