She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
