My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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