Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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